Not many internal surprises left at this point.
As for the why of it all, well….. years ago I reasoned that my mind was the natural development of a universe that desired self awareness.
I’m willing to let it go at that, not to think about it anymore.
Kinda boring on the outside.
If I wanted to plague myself with haunting questions, I’d smoke some weed, and roll around in a self induced existential crisis.
The last time I did that I wound up under the bed trying to hide from the TV, feeling unease about meaning and choice.
Existential anxiety reflects a deep angst that turns daily coping into a complex endeavor.
Fortunately, in my case, something cold to drink ,and a bag of potato chips will make all of that go away.
Stop trying to pass me that fucking joint.
Why can’t I be nicer to people?
In a bus station in a foreign land, a man sat next to me and asked if I like potatoes. Then he asked if I like corn.
I thought he was going to invite me to dinner.
It was the only thing he knew how to say in english. We were hi-fiveing each other,
yes bread, I love bread,
how about beans?
Do you like beans, beans are amazing.
I never saw him again,
but we’re friends for life.
When someone comes up to me at a party and says, how’s it goin?
It’s kind of a dead end.
I know that if I respond, and tell them ,
OH Man, I got high and hid under the bed,
And the cat killed a rat in the bathroom and there was blood everywhere,
And I got a new fishing pole so that’s cool.
And then there’s this weird silence,
And they say, so how’s everything else?
And, they slowly diffuse until I can’t see them anymore.
So my answer becomes, yeah, everything’s cool, and we sip our drinks in awkward silence while I figure out how to avoid them in the future.
I don’t know, maybe I need to try harder on my end. Be more provocative. Ask how they feel about spiders.
Everyone has some kind of feeling about spiders.
So if I’m asking about spiders,
I’m bored as fuck,
And I’m ready to start talking about planks, and quarks, and monads, and cosmogenesis and the origins of self consciousness.
Or I could just take a hit off that joint and wait under the bed for everyone to leave.