My old friend Willie Nelson proclaims they only have three rules in his house: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole! I thought this is the wisest, most profound thing that I have ever heard so I’ve adopted these rules for my own home. I have to admit – it’s not as easy as it sounds. See, I have some serious asshole DNA in my blood. My father is asshole, my mother is an asshole, her mother was an asshole, my brother is an asshole, my sister is an asshole, and of course I am a complete fucking asshole!
We try not to be. We hide behind masks and live lies, but when the shit hits the fan, a true asshole always give themselves away, in the end. Nevertheless, strive to live by these simple rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
Willie once asked me to bring my guitar and join him to perform at a concert he was playing at the MACC, but his regular guitar player that night said, “There’s NO way you’re getting on this stage dude!”. Now I thought this guy was being a cockblocking mother fucking asshole, and when I told Willie later, he just laughed and didn’t give it much thought. I told this story to an acquaintance the other night and she said I was being the asshole and should have understood where this guy was coming from – trying to protect his gig and all. Well, I think she’s an asshole for not understanding where I was coming from! And yet, I do, I try to live by the three simple rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
I don’t know if there is ever an elevation from assholiness. Like a graduation, or a knighthood or something. Most holes retain their distinct mannerisms throughout their life, even if they work at subduing the inevitable revelations through misconstrued interpretations. I’ve been categorizing my own strategies with the hope of elimination but that’s like asking a skunk not to stink. And still, I try to abide, by these rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
Wash me down, scrub me up, put me through the ringer, nothing ever changes. I know what’s in me and I know one when I smell one. I don’t think I was born like this, so maybe there’s hope and someday I can eradicate the excrement and learn to see things from the other side. My blood pressure could use the slide, but in the meantime, I’ll keep trying to live by the three simple rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
We try not to be. We hide behind masks and live lies, but when the shit hits the fan, a true asshole always give themselves away, in the end. Nevertheless, strive to live by these simple rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
Willie once asked me to bring my guitar and join him to perform at a concert he was playing at the MACC, but his regular guitar player that night said, “There’s NO way you’re getting on this stage dude!”. Now I thought this guy was being a cockblocking mother fucking asshole, and when I told Willie later, he just laughed and didn’t give it much thought. I told this story to an acquaintance the other night and she said I was being the asshole and should have understood where this guy was coming from – trying to protect his gig and all. Well, I think she’s an asshole for not understanding where I was coming from! And yet, I do, I try to live by the three simple rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
I don’t know if there is ever an elevation from assholiness. Like a graduation, or a knighthood or something. Most holes retain their distinct mannerisms throughout their life, even if they work at subduing the inevitable revelations through misconstrued interpretations. I’ve been categorizing my own strategies with the hope of elimination but that’s like asking a skunk not to stink. And still, I try to abide, by these rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
Wash me down, scrub me up, put me through the ringer, nothing ever changes. I know what’s in me and I know one when I smell one. I don’t think I was born like this, so maybe there’s hope and someday I can eradicate the excrement and learn to see things from the other side. My blood pressure could use the slide, but in the meantime, I’ll keep trying to live by the three simple rules: #1 – Don’t be an asshole! #2 – Don’t be an asshole, and #3 – Don’t be a fucking asshole!
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