Changing Winters by Ivy

I’m walking through winters
where thoughts are blocked
by too many spiderwebs
there’s a well stockpiling tears
where my stomach should be
one day I just might fall back in
the wind nor rain nor even the sun moves me
my feet wades through
my skin stays dry
my hair lays flat
my smile burrows out of sight
moths fly out of my mouth when I try to speak
rocks don’t hurt
the little kid sounds are lobotomized from my brow
I hear it’s about being grateful in the face of he left me
I never imagined feeling so far away
I’m an island surrounded by walls
I’m pieces of all the men I’ve loved
I’m over it
I show up
who shows up for me
he just loves me
when I see him my face lights up
he stands straight in his love
it looks like flowers shooting from his eyes
it sounds like words that are never said
it tastes like sweet tarts from my childhood
I’d suck on them until my tongue turned red
I’ve seen red instead of my lover
I’ve seen axes and blades
I’ve tasted that metallic taste
that comes right before the explosion
the combination locked me up
my eyes spit venom
my tongue curled up
turning the walls brown with my force
the door was stuck on stutter
the sound of goodbye made me cover my ears
I’ve calmed into sober
I’ve left my mess behind
the days end in blowjobs then dinner
colors have resumed like winter is over
but it’s not
I’m tearing down the walls within me
I’m sipping each day like a magic elixir
I’m skipping stones and tripping over rocks
now the winters
cold
wet
is staying far from the bedroom door