Balls by Ivy

​​Okay. 
This is for the men out there. 
Maybe the women too. 
I just have to say one thing guys. 
Hold onto your balls. 

Now, I don't mean cause someone's gonna kick them
or you're about to pull a Michael Jackson move 
or so they don't sink into the toilet. 

No. 

I mean, hold onto your balls guys. 
Keep them close. 
Don't let them get lost in the breeze. 
Don't let them swing in the wind. 
Don't let them out of your pants 
unless you're pounding them against someone's ass. 

You see guys
we will snip at them every chance we get. 

And remember, 
it’s the little things that nick away at your balls 
until they're gone. 

Take out the garage . . . 
No, not like that
tie it up over the can. 
No, you're not done. 
Put a clean bag in now. 

Hold onto your balls guys. 
We will snip at them every chance we get. 

It would be nice if you helped with the laundry . . .
No, not like that 
you have to separate. 
No, not like that
kitchen towels and body towels and dog towels and
NO, those are my special towels. 
No you can't use them, they're new. 

Hold onto your balls. 

It would be nice if you wore that black tank top 
I bought you . . .
No, you don't look gay. 
Besides, I like the way gay guys look. 
Yes, I know you're not gay 
but you look sexy. 
No, not gay sexy
New York sexy. 

Come on guys. 
Remember
it’s the little things that nick away at your balls 
until they're gone. 

Hold onto your balls 
because once we sever them you can't get them back.
Once we sever them 
there will be no more sex for you buddy. 
Who wants to have sex with a guy with no balls? 
When we say jump
grab us by the back of our neck 
and plant a hard one. 
When we say come 
say what the fuck for. 
And when we say you're going too fast . . . 
slow down 
don't tailgate 
go around this car 
turn on your lights 
the musics too loud
let me drive! 

Then pull over 
toss the keys to us 
get out 
and walk away 
saving your precious beautiful balls. 

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