And cooked them and ate them. I shocked many people by doing this because they knew I loved them.
I loved my chickens. I mean I outright loved them.
I raised them kissed them hand fed them, worried about them, dreamt about them
then I ate them like a dog.
I eat meat and love it.
And that means an animal died.
If I buy that same type of meat at the store it still means an animal died.
I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of not being loved.
So, if I'm loved when I die, I'm wholly okay.
If I refuse to look at something then ignorance has control. I can't refuse.
Why outright refuse?
Ignorance was not in my chart.
My chart had in my face realities, slapping realities, like who my father really was and how he outright hated me because I came from my mother, about how it felt like my mother cared more for men and money then me. How my boyfriend cheated on me and lied then hid me from what he considered real women because I was just a kid. How my friend pretended not to be my friend in front of other people so she wouldn't get beat up too. How my dogs died, how they died in my arms so I'd never forget them, how could I ever forget them? How women outright betrayed me, turning from admiring me to feeling I let them down, from laughing with me to thinking I'm a controlling know it all.
I don't want to control anyone, only myself.
And I don't fucking know anything.
And I've cheated too but I've never denied anyone I loved outright.
I've loved who I've loved regardless of sex or money although I've loved to spend both.
And I've never lied outright to my son.
And as far as I know I haven't died.
So, as long as I'm living, I'll eat meat and love it.