I want to sleep with them
holding them under my weight.
I want to intertwine dark fingers and tongues.
I want to wrinkle dirty sheets
humming fuck sounds.
Silhouettes of men, women, boys and girls.
One's I've tasted
others I teased
some I've forgotten.
Many who carved their initials between my breasts.
Many who have soaked my eyes with wet salt.
Many who have stuck knives in my ears.
I breath them in
ignoring the pain that shoots down my legs
ignoring my throat that has dried up
ignoring the wetness under my lap.
Shadows dance along the walls
creeping under the art
hanging from the fan above.
Lips puckered yearning to kiss.
Closing my eyes
licking my mouth
No one comes.
No one presses into my face.
No one adds moisture to my skin.
So I grab my shoes
forgetting where I put my umbrella.
I button my shirt all the way up
on top of that I pull on a sweater
over that a black raincoat.
I'm sweating but still feel naked.
I go out into the rain and mud
fleeing the bodies I no longer desire.
Desire hides in abandoned tunnels.
Desire slides down rusty drains.
Desire gets swept under the rug.
I want them to hurt me
making me red like I made them.
I want to throw down in puddles
smearing each other black.
Nobody follows nor will they ever leave.
I'm dry where I should be wet.
I'm walking with nowhere to go.
I'm stuck on a merry go round.
The funny thing is
when the sun rises over the cliffs
the shadows dart no more
the ocean's white caps punctuate the horizon
the gulch's birds begin to fly
the clouds part ways
the frogs hop back into the bushes
I forget why I came out into the open air
all bundled up like a virgin bride.