so i asked him what he wanted
and he put his hands to the sky
and did the funniest dance i’ve ever seen.
she’s only happy in the sun...
went through my head
as i think of losing you
and the tight cave grows smaller around my clenched heart.
jesus didn’t question me
he came to pray with me
he didn’t come to shine light on my faults
he didn’t come to remove any sin.
he came to to wake me up
to dance naked with my magdalen belly.
to expose the scarlet letter on my chest.
to write the direction east, that I can not.
She’s only happy in the SUN...
really? is that true?
and so i asked him about career and kids and husbands and things that matter
and he kept dancing and smiling and watching me rip open my chest...
and the sun kept us warm at night,
and since he couldn’t answer the questions i needed to ask
i jumped in and started dancing ...
but once i began to shake my shimmy
he disappeared altogether,
he just evaporated.
He did whatever Jesus does when he sees that we’ve got it covered,
when he knows we’ve got the hint,
when he’s finally not the only one in the light.
Why is it hard to be who i am wanting to be?
Why does it seem easier to swim up stream
then to ride with the current?
perhaps because the view is familiar upstream
always struggling the current
the great wrestle
our way up a familiar path our parents took,
the steep climb with a bag of old rocks that we are too scared to put down...
the long road walked lonesome
by thousands of women
who knew she had brains
who knew she wanted more
who forged beyond of her own instinctive nature
to care for everyone before herself
and arrived in her own garden
full of sage and marigold bouquets
adorned with the sent
of her own heart
not knowing why or how,
just that knowing
that she had arrived.