Hands are reaching for me, trying to bring me home, trying to save me.
I can feel the love in their eyes
I know I'll have to walk away from them soon
Leave them in my past with shreds of my heart left palpitating at their feet
Feet that have danced with me; run through rainforests with me;
stood with me when I became a wife, a criminal, a mother, .... an inmate; stood by me when it mattered most.
We'v loved through thick and thin.
My heart has grown, been shoved in a box while they amputate me
We're all helpless
Fingers knotted, knuckles white, terror and trauma sting ahead
Tears become inadequate and words betray the depth of emotion
Fragility has lent its cracked laugh to my sister while she wails for me over a dry well, hoping to find my smile hidden in the echoes.
I'm buckling under the pressure of lost time, draining through insignificant holes that keep getting clogged
They stand on a distant shore, like a lighthouse, beaming me home to myself ...
Breath eludes me
survival starts to seem irrelevant
Mind games contort my head and crush my hopes
Futility lines the inside of my dreams
They're stealing my spirit .... I'm letting them
The lights too dim to cast a shadow, as I struggle to claw my way out.
Darkness engulfs my will to fight
Will she ever forgive me, I wonder. Will I ?
I handed the reins to a tortured beast so i don't need to steer anymore
I'm broken .... and worthy of repair but I'v fired the handyman .... - loyalty issues.
My knees have become my new feet and I no longer stand amongst those who care
Mercy has overlooked me in her haste and my view through a two inch window at another life is a compulsive liar
Im using spit to lubricate my intentions, they'v become slippery and rusty,
while my smile slips off my face and hides in the shadows with bulged eyes
Faraway lands snake their way in to my reluctant heart
It looks like they'll take me kicking and screaming
They stand on a distant shore, like a lighthouse beaming me home to myself, but stormy seas have swallowed me and I'v lost track of wheres up.