I'm living underwater needing air. I can't breath. I can't see with any clarity. I can't smell his thoughts. I want my daddy. I want him to remind my of my sanity. Who can I turn to with my home not here? I want my dad. How can he be gone when his cufflinks are around my neck? I still feel his warm breath.
I'm living listening to old tapes needing new messages. I can't turn it off. The electricity in my blood. It vibrates still. After the bar has closed. After my husband's gone to bed. After the mosquitoes have sucked the last of my pure blood. My mind goes black. I could kill someone with the palms of my hands. Shatter their teeth. Blind their eyes. Stop their heart. Turn them red.
I'm living in a nightmare where I can't wake up. It makes it impossible to swallow. My words come up like staples. The pages slip from my lap. The call from the cliff pulls my legs from under me. There is no where to escape. I've tried but I run into the same door over and over and over. My seat holds the dents of my sorrow. The lights stay dim on the highest settings. The fan never stops. Never stops turning. I want a shot gun just for the fan. I want a shotgun just for my bed. I want a shotgun just for the mirrors.
I'm living in a prison made just for me. I put me here. With too many windows. Too much green. Too many flowers for my eyes to see. The wind won't stop blowing my ears out. The keys are useless. They don't care if I'm in or out. They control every handle. Every treasure. Every way I move through life. Every day. Every single day.