I stood up for the fat kid at school once. For a skinny man who was punched. For a blond girl ODing on a cocktail of high. For my son on his skateboard. For my husband at the movies. I've stood on corners not really sure where I was going. My feet hurting from walking away. My feet hurting worse when I returned.
I don't want to come back. If coming back is what we do. I want to stay dead. Hiding forever. I want to do drugs until I can't remember. Not caring. Not sharing. Never more revealing. Never more concealing. No more squeezing. No more believing.
I hate getting figs stuck between my toes. I hate words that don't taste good. I don't feel great about tunnels. I don't feel great about the dentist. Or blood work. Or people who get red in the face. Yell in your face. Spit in your face. Angry. I just don't. It scares me.
I love when people smile. I love bridges. Any bridge anywhere. I just love them. I've thought about jumping off a bridge but sitting on them seems less painful. I've photographed them. Swam under them. Walked across them. Even peed on a very special one.
I like witches. In Cuba they call the most powerful magic Santeria. The females are more interesting then the men. I have a Cuban witch on the left side of my front door to protect from evil spirits entering. It works.
I like tractors. I like signs. I like weeds that blow in the wind. I like watching clouds travel by. Changing shapes as they pass. I like birds in trees. I like birds on the grass. I like flying birds. And diving birds. And all kinds of birds. Except dead birds. Once a bird dropped dead right in front of me on my walk. There were no trees. Or buildings. Or anything. But an open pasture. And an open sky. The bird just dropped dead.