My stomach is in knots and my heart feels stressed. My body is tired but my mind feels settled. Comfortable with the tides of thoughts surging through its caves. Deep and warm and peaceful. I’d like to fold into myself, toes first. Toes always go first, they lead the way. I prefer that these days. My mouth used to go first, but that got me into trouble. Like I’d had too much caffeine.
Sunlight breaching the leaves of the tree above shining on my lips as I’d call a spade a spade. Spades are for digging and sometimes people don’t want to be unearthed. I’d stare blankly at the fallout. A furrowed brow forging young wrinkles. The lines on my forehead prove years of confusion, lowered with frustration and raised in the shock at what people do. Lowered at stubbornness. Raised at selfishness. Lowered at cruelty. Raised at disrespect. My eyebrows can do gymnastics across my face from all this practice. Both up both down, one up alone, then the other side. I can do the wave. I can’t understand people sometimes but that doesn’t surprise me anymore. Not much does.
Gay parents coming out of the closet after 30 years. Wives or husbands that cheat. Murder suicides committed by strangers… when people I know do it, that one still moves my eyebrows. What amazes me now is love. Fires that climb so high in the sky that they make the stars nervous. The power of a waterfall. The courage of an open heart. The vulnerability of a dream laid bare. The blood and sweat and tears of the same dream made matter.