She said it with a face-full-of-dread and then proceeded to explain how she’d vowed she would NEVER be like her mother.
You know, come on, we all say that, “I’m never going to turn into my mother.” And then somewhere in our thirties we silently start thinking, “Shit, I’m turning into my mother.” Do you know why that happens? Why, you don’t want to become your mother but then you start becoming her anyway? BECAUSE YOU ALREADY ARE YOUR MOTHER. You have been since Day 1, you just didn’t know because you had no perspective. You are her DNA, her quirky qualities, her annoying habits, YOU ARE her ENTIRE BEING. And, by the way, you loved that entire being for a long time until, one day, you didn’t.
Here’s what we do: We WORSHIP our parents until we’re like 14, then we JUDGE THEM until we’re like 40 and then we slowly start BECOMING them. Why do we start becoming them around age 40? Because that’s the same age THEY WERE when we started judging them. Do you see? It’s an illusion! We didn’t START becoming them, we already were them just at a younger age. They weren’t always 40, they used to be 15 and they were carefree and awesome. But then when we were about 15 and they were about 40 we stopped seeing them through the eyes of the adoring child.
We started seeing them as two regular adults and we were horrified with what we saw because adults do things that seem horrific to kids. They’re serious and they make rules and they get angry and frustrated and all the shit that comes along with having responsibilities.
And we say, “I’m never gonna be like that, “ but then we grow and grow and grow until we finally become adults and then we start doing the same things our parents did when they were 40 because now we’re 40! And that’s how people are when they’re 40!
So really, don’t be scared that you’re going to become your mother. You already ARE your mother. You should just start worshipping her again, like you did when you were little, because it’s you.