The raw strings of my heart are being played through a tragic violin tune
Anger drips from my eyes into a strangers friendly palms
There aren't enough healthy outlets to express my overflowing ....
Even my pillow's taken too many beatings and screams
I'v taken too many beatings lately
Black and Blue
Broken down into useless pulp
Where I live, nobody cares,..... nobody likes me
My all-girls High school haunts have crept in as my daily companions
Healing original misconceptions
Ugly, Hairy, skinny, dumb ... unpopular
Scars that I'd long since buried beneath my confident smile
Damaged self-worth seeps up from the cesspool of my fragility
I'v grown old trying to forget
I scrape puss out from the folds of ancient wrinkles
Nobody can save me from this infection, its bone deep
its blood boiling
powdered marrow sprinkled on forgotten footpaths
I didn't think pain could go this deep, without me disintegrating
Nobody can spare me this ache
It's riddled my brain and stolen my reason
Newness threatens to emerge, .... But when?
I discovered my first gray hair - that's new!
Impatience gnaws at the edges of my tolerance
Can I tolerate 6 more months of this? ...
Of hatred, brutality, unkindness, bullying and gossip
Living in a cesspool of bitches can be lonely and heartless
yet, once in awhile, a smile will punctuate the stone hearts in triumph ....
And I melt into gratitude
The human heart can still emerge, even in hell.