I know that I can't.
I've tried with tongue crooked in my mouth.
I never could.
Hanging up the phone swallowing a bad taste that circles my mood, wondering what kind of girl am I rambling from my perch?
I'm the kind of girl who stares a lot.
Turning pages until they become yellow.
What am I looking at when the music becomes less refined?
I'm not looking at anything,
I'm looking for something, watching the sun warming wet from the trees.
He's leaving, again, shame floating to the surface like a turd.
I want his lips where the sun shies away.
I'm alone with my subversive heart, lingering in the air like a love I hold back, dishing it out in chunks.
I like it,
pushing myself as far away as possible alone.
How to say goodbye?
Alone like the wind that forms from the east, blowing its breath into my ears.
How to stay so far away yet touch him all over, alone?
I'm like a dog needing love, humping on air.
I love him, how he holds me, how he shows me his tender eyes, how he cries with me, for me, in me, alone.
Things have changed; I like who I am, except when I don't. How to keep my head up high?
How to keep from saying I need him?
I can't control a thing, only my boring ass self.
My friends talk, once in a while they ask about me.
When they do, I don't know what to say, alone.
I need him so much. I need to be in him.
I feel like a ghost when he's around; waiting like a puppy at the door, licking at the salt from his lips, wagging my ass until he touches me.
I laugh at pretty much anything, but my favorite things are the mean things, like ranking on someone's annoying traits, like perhaps their laugh, as irony trips me showing me to the door.